Conservatives Are the New Cool Counterculture: My Year on the Right Part III
Decriminalization of Crime, Normalization of Political Violence, Antifa, Proud Boys and other Assorted Patriots
The left tolerates harm and asks us to accept that which should not be accepted when it comes to homeless response, crime and law enforcement. In their eagerness to identify with the oppressed and downtrodden they have taken up the cause of criminals, including those who steal to feed addictions that are killing them.
It is reasonable to agree that policing and incarceration can be improved but it is pure magical thinking and denial of human nature to remove consequences from the equation when it comes to reform.
We can all agree nobody should go to jail for not having a home, but there needs to be boundaries around behaviors that harm others. “Legalizing survival” is a form of emotional manipulation whereby people are socialized to put the needs of a pathological minority above the needs of their family and community.
When the homeless violate you, squat on your property, leave hoarder levels of garbage, verbally harass you or steal your property, the proper progressive response is to have absolute grace for your victimizer. Should you complain you are made to feel guilty or lacking in compassion for the poor person who chose to harm you. This is equity praxis.
Some defend shoplifting and other property crime as reparations in their class warfare. There is a movement in the PNW to allow the “poverty defense,” — criming can be blamed on poverty, mental illness, addiction or the intersection of all three.
The results of soft prosecutions are stark, thieves are emboldened to push boundaries. Shoplifting has become normalized. Hundreds of shopping carts are left to waste by the side of the road. Catalytic converter thefts are regular, costing around $1000 each to replace. Porch pirates and bicycle thieves operate without concern, fencing on Facebook Marketplace and Offer Up. This is progressive utopia.
The biggest victims are the homeless themselves, where it is use or be used. Young people are routinely trafficked for sex. The left glamorizes it as “sex work.” Nobody is empowered giving $20 blowjobs to strangers in cars.
There are attacks on law enforcement who have been demonized and dehumanized. Antifa aim to intentionally harm people with slingshots, fireworks, IEDs, bats, lasers, pepper spray etc. Their goal is to disable people and damage property without conscience. Behind every broken window is a person who put their life into their business. This is not anti-oppression, it is loss of humanity.
The right’s relationship with LE is complicated. Blue Lives Matter is real as is support for LE, first responders and the military in general, especially individuals. There is however suspicion of institutions, particularly at the federal level. Mistrust of the FBI, DHS, DEA and ATF exists, mainly due to the perception that conservatives have been unfairly targeted, especially around January 6.
The people arrested are considered political prisoners, scapegoats needed to frame the day as an insurrection. The role of FBI in Russiagate and the targeted prosecution of Trump associates also has bred suspicion as to motives and unfair treatment.
WOKE RACISM IS MORAL INJURY
Much of this work is done in the name of equity which, as implemented, follows Ibram X. Kendi’s prescription that the best remedy for past discrimination is present discrimination. Diversity, Equity and Inclusion are anything but, especially when it involves neo-segregation and teaching people that the only thing we should care about is skin color.
PNW white progressives are the most open racists I have ever met. Blacks are abstracts to them, both put on a pedestal and treated as fragile objects needing their protection, like nonsexual fetish objects. The white savior trope is the path to virtue.
Olympia has declared itself anti-racist and asked businesses to join in rooting out white supremacy. Olympia is spending hundreds of thousands of dollars to institutionalize hate and division. It is working. I was denied service for life at McCoy’s Tavern for being a WHITE SUPREMACIST. It is not an inclusive city when 46% of white non college educated residents do not feel accepted here per a city survey. I am one.
CANDACE MERCER V ANTIFA V THE PROUD BOYS
Antifa thinks they are protecting the community from FASCISTS yet they are the ones who are working hard to intimidate others from participating in the political process. An untold story is how many people are discouraged from running for office because they are rightfully afraid Antifa will threaten their families and businesses.
There is symbiosis between the Patriot groups and Antifa. The rise of Antifa has given a defining purpose to the far right groups and vice versa. Patriots in the PNW are a reaction to leftist violence, and in part exist as a check against Antifa, due to a fair perception that law enforcement allows Antifa’s fuckery to go unchecked.
The Patriots also believe they are doing community protection, which is somewhat more accurate. Antifa does not allow conservatives to peacefully protest without the threat of violent disruption. When Antifa does not show up, conservative events are peaceful.
Unlike Antifa, Patriots do not engage in vandalism or target law enforcement for physical harm. The Proud Boys are not afraid of brawling but they do not go out of their way to counter protest, they are reactive.
I am a pacifist and strongly believe nonviolent protest is more effective and retains the moral high ground. I do not condone political violence in any form, state or vigilante. At the same time, having been a target of political violence and not being able to count on the police to protect me, I have concerns.
At this point, sadly, Antifa does not respond to nonviolent means of containment. I will never espouse proactive violence, but I am not naive to the fact that the threat of reactive violence will help keep me (and others) safe. Words will not save me from an armed mob intent on harm. I am not happy with this, but here we are.
On September 4th, the Proud Boys protected me. I did not ask them to, but they did. This put me in an uncomfortable place politically as this fed Antifa’s disinformation campaign. The truth is I had no connections to the Proud Boys. I later found out they had no idea who I was or what I stood for, only that there was a public call to hurt me. I tried to get a message to stand down through people I thought might have connections, but I was not successful and there was a man shot in the ensuing melee.
This did not have to happen. As soon as I found out that both Antifa and Proud Boys were going to be crashing my event I notified OPD. I asked Lieutenant Costello, if I could count on OPD to protect me. His answer, “you should be prepared to protect yourself.”
My event was IN FRONT of OPD headquarters, a location chosen for safety reasons. OPD knew the time and place where a clash was going to occur yet there was no police presence. The Proud Boys chased Antifa from City Hall, Antifa led them to the Transit Center, where Benjamin Anthony Varela shot a BIPOC man, Tusitala Toese, as well as terrorizing passengers and drivers.
The shooting barely got mention in mainstream media, they did not understand the context and got many facts wrong. Being the center of the story made me very aware of errors being made, including my own.
Conservative media covered the story accurately. Robert Zerfing, the Common Sense Conservative, did a scathing editorial in my defense, one of the few people to openly defend me. Mary Todd did a long form film called “Definitely Miguel” compiling primary source footage of the day. I know of only one leftist who worked to counter the misinformation, he also ran for council and is an Antifa target for calling out their unproductive behaviors.
PROUD BOY DOCTRINE
The one thing that has surprised me as I have interviewed Patriots and Proud Boys is their heterodoxy. They share common principles but individually they cannot be put in any boxes. They defy stereotypes — multiracial, openly gay and MANY former leftists.
They are Western chauvinists but they are NOT white supremacists or racist. Mainstream media coverage of the Patriot movement grossly misrepresents their motivations, doctrines and goals. The distortion of reality inflates these groups, giving them more cultural influence than they possess IRL. The left needs enemies and the Patriots/Proud Boys fit their reflexive stereotyping.
Two actual white supremacists attended the inauguration day protest at the Washington Governor’s mansion on 1/6. I watched footage of them being marginalized by the Patriots, shouted down and forced to leave. This is further evidence of the right taking a principled stance when it comes to race.
Many of Patriot groups center men. The Proud Boys support male excellence (NOT patriarchy) as do online groups like the Order of Man. Jordan Peterson gets associated with this movement even though he is on the record as not exlicitly targeting men. This need for male only space is a direct result of the defenestration of men and unchecked misandry from leftists and feminists, who, however, are willing to make exceptions if a man wears womanface.
The Proud Boys do seem sincere in their goals of self improvement. Their public presence is only a small part of what is a cross between a social club and a support group. They are people who have been cast out for wrongthink yet they have not given up on trying to be better men.
PROUD BOY DOCTRINE
The founder, Gavin McInness, is crude and juvenile. I wonder how much is performance art. I don’t enjoy listening to him, I don’t think he is that funny or adds much to the conversation, though I appreciate his efforts at subversion and culture jamming. Textbook leftist methodology though not as deft as the Yes Men.
Enrique Tarrio, an Afro-Cuban American, and former Proud Boy leader is more my style of defiance. He was imprisoned for burning a BLM flag. I do not think burning the American flag should be a criminal offense, how is this any different? Maybe it’s just my autistic need for consistency. He was recently arrested on charges surrounding January 6th even though he was not even at the Capitol that day.
The Proud Boys have ten guiding principles which are hard to criticize. Interestingly, they are against porn, which used to be the default feminist position. The goal is to put their focus on their partner. This is also why masturbation is discouraged with some exception made for single men.
However, a handful have opened up to me, I’ve had longer conversations (hour+) with four gentlemen I found pleasant and challenging, they were way more philosophical than average conversation. I told them that I was doing research and planning to write this essay but our conversations were off the record so I am not sharing names or identifying details.
Topics I have discussed include boys versus men and the lack of rituals for transition to manhood in modern Western society. (This may be a function transgender ideology is providing young women.) We talked about emotional control. Having positive relationships with the women in their lives is a goal, contradicting their incel image. They do appreciate trad wives, but with that is the associated responsibility on their part to provide and protect.
The local people I have spoke with, as well as Patriots from Reno, are gentlemen. They are polite, well informed and articulate. These men are intelligent and thoughtful. Often they were distrustful when they first meet me, which is not unreasonable given how poorly they are portrayed by the media.
ANTIFASCISTS ARE ANYTHING BUT
My impressions are also formed by watching extensive primary source footage of events, both peaceful and violent. Melee combat plays Antifa’s game and should be avoided. That being said, Antifa cannot be allowed to attack peaceful gatherings without consequence.
Undeniably, some of the Proud Boys do get off on the excitement of the battle. There is also a sense of duty, of doing what needs to be done. I have also seen restraint in not taking the bait, a smart choice.
They do seem to want to stay within the law, especially when it comes to weapons. Inslee banned open carry guns from public protests and it appears Patriots are complying, showing discipline Antifa lacks. While pretending to be nonviolent, Antifa intentionally provokes violence so they can be shahiid — martyrs for the cause. This builds their cred, gets attention and raises funds, sometimes for weapons.
I understand how scary the Patriots look to townies. They wear military grade protective gear and had been open carrying until the new law, but so does Antifa, who do not attract anywhere near the same level of concern. Remarkably, many in Olympia see the flag as a fluttering symbol of hate and react with fear whereas the black bloc Antifaschistische Aktion flag is somehow heroic.
IMMIGRANT SAMOAN BIPOC ROCK STAR PROUD BOY
I met Tiny at the medical freedom rally at the capitol on October 3rd. He was easy to identify, especially as he was still on crutches from being shot. He is charismatic with good looks, a wide smile and pleasant nature. He is articulate and knows how to command the crowd. He has legit local rock star status, he was often surrounded by fans and I saw him being prayed over by three older women.
I introduced myself and we hugged. I asked after his welfare and expressed gratitude for being able to shoot my campaign video. This simple act toward this young man was captured on several streams. I am surprised it has not yet been weaponized against me. Guilt by association where a hug is enough to condemn you as FASCIST.
Toese is currently in Thurston County Jail, arrested for trespassing and having contact with a security officer at the Governor’s mansion in Olympia on January 6th, 2020. He was arrested in a SWAT raid in Vancouver, WA, which is unusual given he has been in Olympia frequently, including the day he was shot, where he was attended to by OPD. Nobody else has been charged for January 6th, raising questions.
Toese is also facing extradition for charges in Oregon related to an August 2021 skirmish with Antifa. No Antifa were charged in the incident despite assaulting and attempting to maim conservatives with IEDs made from fireworks.
In an interview from Thurston County jail, Toese remained defiant, insisting his prosecution is politically motivated, he is hoping justice will be blind but if he is given time he is resigned to serving it. He is committed to his mission and “will not shut up.” He speaks to speaking to leftists in jail and how they should be on the same team against oppression.
In his interviews he can be seen tearing up when informed of outside support and donations. Antifa spins this to show he is crying about being in jail, not tears of gratitude.
Activism 101 — do not martyr your opponent. If Toese is given significant prison time, his legend will grow and he will gain followers. There is a rally sponsored by the Capital City Proud Boys planned for Olympia on March 19th as a fundraiser for Toese’s legal defense.
ANTIFA ARE DOMESTIC TERRORISTS
Given the situation on the ground, I feel it is important to maintain lines of communication with the Proud Boys. Had I been able to do that on September 4th, Tiny would not have been shot, Benjamin Varela would face legal trouble and his accomplice Miguel Lofland would not bear the weight of that day on his conscience
Lofland is the main Antifa instigator and organizer in Olympia. He abuses me and others relentlessly. Below is his latest death threat, lovingly filmed and presented around the holidays. He was upset that I speculated that Antifa could have been responsible for a recent arson as there were multiple reasons to implicate them. Notice the 22 cents, symbolizing his gun is a .22 caliber.
@allegedlymiguel (on Instagram and Twitter, also a a contributor to @PDXChudwatch) spends a lot of creative energy trying to emotionally maul me. Why? He needs enemies.
There is a massive shortage of actual white supremacists, racists and transphobes in Olympia but Lofland needs content for his channel so he targets random people on false pretenses, building them up so he can then “protect” the city from FASCISM. Basic hero complex.
Remarkably, people take direction from this sociopath. The death threats I get are like children having tantrums, mostly laughable. It is the people who don’t call that I worry over. Benjamin Anthony Varela, had to be brought to court in restraints due to his violent acting out while in jail. His eyes are blank.
Miguel Lofland deflecting after the September 4th shooting, trying to get ahead of the story by advancing the lie that Toese shot himself. Video credit: Olympia News Network.
These people have maladapted to extremist ideology making them lose their humanity. They are far from progressive, or effective, which is not to say they have not had a chilling effect on the public sphere.
In 25 years of high level activism, including a decade in Palestinian solidarity with Rachel Corrie’s parents, the right never attacked or threatened me as the left has done. The Reddit threads seem quite sincere in their belief that I am a FASCIST = WITCH. My nickname is Klandace. Rolls eyes.
The good news is that since the events of September 4th, Antifa in Olympia has been in disarray. They have quit direct action and counter protesting, despite ample opportunities. According to one activist, the FBI has been looking into their conspiracy. Very few comrades can resist a grand jury subpoena, which is often done in secret with the threat of jail for not showing.
I have also seen overt internal dissent against Lofland. There are rumors he was beat up by other comrades and has left town as a result. There was no jail support for Varela, nor protests at his hearings, which is unusual for Olympia and significant in that it shows they do not want to be associated with him.
59 MINUTES PAST 11
We are living in very dark times. Freedoms I have taken for granted are threatened. Principles I have worked my entire life as an activist are under siege. I am done complaining. I am done analyzing. Action is the only remaining option. I have nothing better to do with my life than fight this culture war.
Wokery is toxic, a universal solvent that dissolves relationships, culture and institutions. It reprograms people to participate in their own debasement. People’s good nature is weaponized against them to the detriment of society.
Because the right has firmer boundaries they are seen as evil. The left’s boundaries allow for them to be taken advantage of and cause greater harm to the community. Boundaries show respect and are a form of compassion. Nobody wants to be the bad parent who enforces discipline.
My place on the political spectrum may have changed, but who I really am, and what I really stand for has not. I have set healthy boundaries, I will not allow my character or morality to be put on trial. I am no longer giving the benefit of the doubt to those who do not not come to the table in good faith. This is a cult that should not be anywhere near power. I will not make nice with my oppressors or ever be comfortable with abuse.
You will notice I have not named many people in this article. There is a reason for this — their protection, being associated with me could have negative impacts on their lives. What kind of world is this?
Some, like Tim Pool, opine conservatism is the new counterculture and I agree. It is the right who is anti-authoritarian in this scenario.
While contrarian in nature, my dissent is well thought out and done in pursuit of truth. Independent thought is a core value of mine, so I have learned to be an outcast. I am OK being the burr in the saddle, an American muckracker. I know how to fight. I realize this may be harder for people for whom conformity is a primary drive.
The most powerful tool for this war is culture itself. We must produce narratives that are reality based and that speak to the values we want to defend. We cannot allow this vital function of society to be outsourced. One explicit purpose of this essay is to influence, it is the job of the artist to show people other ways to see the world.
The worst residual effect of being indoctrinated in the cult that I struggle to deprogram from seeing the worst in everything and everyone, accompanied by the reflex to see every issue in stark moral terms. It is like improv — give me a topic and I can easily do three minutes on why it is problematic. This level of nihilism is soul destroying. Rejecting these impulses does not mean a turn toward immorality, but rather to not let morality be the arbiter of every choice.
It is hard to see progressives becoming punitive, even vindictive toward some, while remaining overly tolerant of those others. The out group versus in group dynamic is strong. Ideology over relationships. There is no mercy or redemption should they find you impure. You are to be socially and financially destroyed. Their casual sadism is cruel, an undercurrent of revenge permeates the equity agenda.
I gave this speech in December where I met and talked to Proud Boys. They were protective of me, keeping a respectful distance, but near at all times. Video credit: Robert Zerfing/Commonsense Conservative
Having been betrayed by so many institutions and individuals, I struggle with trust. I feel intellectually isolated and am being intentional in rebuilding my social life, being very selective with whom I let in. I am looking for people who value me for who I am, not to just be their mirror.
I want to associate with positive people who can inspire me to greatness. The more I leave the cult, the stronger I become, the more I find myself losing patience with weakness and cowardice, especially when celebrated by the mainstream. I do not get the elevation of pathology as a desirable state. My goal has always been transcendence. My motto is “NEVER GIVE UP.”
Victimhood as currency is not psychologically healthy in the individual or society. We should not find identity in mental illness. There is no incentive to heal when your identity will be lost.
Politics as identity leads to entrenched views. To have your ideology questioned is to have your personhood questioned. That is not healthy, there should be a separation between identity and ideas in order to remain flexible in pursuit of truth.
The savior complex is also a losing game. Pathological altruism harms both giver and recipient. I have seen this most starkly with homeless response in the PNW. Salvation is in the hands of the individual, though society can provide that hand up.
I am seeing a political realignment. I attended the Government Resistance Impedes Tyranny (GRIT) Freedom Festival at the state capitol on March 5. I was struck by how the anti-war and anti-corporate sentiments were similar to the protests against Iraq in 2003. Indeed, Jordan Page, the musician who performed, got his start in 2006 writing protest songs against the war.
Joey Gibson, of Patriot Prayer, someone who I did not trust, and cheered when he got pepper sprayed at Evergreen in 2017, gave a speech that was explicit in its call for nonviolent resistance. I DARE you to find hate.
The hate against conservatives, however, was in full force on Reddit, NextDoor and Facebook. The ignorance of what really happens at these events is staggering. People are certain of their analysis in classic Dunning-Kruger fashion. They reflexively hate. There is no curiosity or intellectual humility. It is stereotyping and socially condoned bigotry.
Being hated has paradoxically made me braver. It is incredibly liberating, truth be told. Running for council proved I have courage I never thought I had. I made the decision that COVID and the hate would not break me. The past two years have a crucible, a test of my character and I am proud of how I have handled it.
All that being said, there are times I feel as if I am at war with the world. I had no idea a middle aged woman could feel this much rage. I work to channel it into prosocial outlets so I do not become bitter or resentful. I do not want anger dominating my life.
PERSONAL MORAL COMPASS
My goal is to get to the other side with my decency and humanity intact with no regrets as to my conduct. I refuse to dehumanize or demonize anyone, per my Evergreen approved anti-oppression training. I will remain true to my moral code — freedom of expression, truth seeking, colorblindness, kindness, generosity of spirit, sometimes radicalized. I reject the loose idealism and moral pollution of the left in favor of pragmatism, agency and growth mindset.
After the GRIT rally at the capitol on March 5th, 2022. I had a pleasant conversation with the Common Sense Conservative, beginning at 24:00. Video credit: Robert Zerfing/Commonsense Conservative
I have even considered finding a church family although I do not think my atheism will change. It is the height of irony that Social Justice fulfilled the function of religion in my life with relics, rituals and codes of behavior. I now understand that Christianity is the foundation of the Enlightenment. I live my life by Christian values. One friend described it as not believing in Jesus so much as letting Jesus live in you. I liked that perspective.
I went to a Russian Orthodox Catholic church on Christmas Eve and it was ennobling in ways that are hard to describe. I was blessed and there is a bottle of Holy Water on my desk. The person who gave it to me said its “not magic” but a couple splashes were comforting when I had COVID.
There were several times during the campaign when prayer circles and laying of the hands were done in my honor, and not gonna to lie, it meant something. I find these traditions more meaningful than land acknowledgements and self flagellation. I prefer moral courage.
It should be noted that not all Republicans are Christian or go to church. I have met several Jewish Republicans, two of whom are among the furthest right. To my knowledge I have not met any Muslims or Hindus, but they are a tiny minority in Olympia, even on the left. Amongst the Christians there are varying degrees of commitment, being pro-life is part of some faiths.
Bottom line — I have not had to compromise my values to hang on the right. To stay on the left I would have to deny science and biology, believe in censorship and collective punishment, support crime, political intimidation and a biomedical surveillance state. The left attacks the very concept of freedom as being WHITE SUPREMACIST. Please.
I don’t hate the left, even Antifa, but I am angry. I was misled and betrayed by movements I believed it. I try to have grace for those still in the cult, after all it got me so how can I judge? That being said, each person is responsible for their conduct and I will not excuse bad behavior anymore. I am not your WITCH.
I am committed to indie nonpartisanship as it feels like it is the only ethical choice. As much as I love the conservatives, I see the GOP in need of reform and I am not eager to join a new cult. Being a free agent is liberating and gives me room to remain an independent thinker.
Though I feel I remain progressive, I see no path back to the left. They are simply too corrupt. I can never trust them again, and I cannot forgive their cruelties toward me and others.
Apologies could help healing, but I can’t hold my breath.
I am exhaling, and breathing fresh air.
Join me.
What more have you got to lose?
This concludes Part III. I am done.
See APPENDIX for RED PILL RESOURCE GUIDE.
Part I Strength as a Virtue, Self Censorship, Cancellation and Running for Office
Part II The Trump in the Room, COVID Policy and Gender Ideology
APPENDIX: RED PILL RESOURCE GUIDE
Why I Voted Trump, A Coming Out Story is the prologue to this series. I discuss leaving the left and the harsh consequences I faced.
Thank you for reading. It is the artist’s job to help people see the world differently and that was my goal with this 15K word essay.
Candace Mercer is a progressive artist/writer/activist based in Olympia, WA. She reports on homelessness, political violence and public safety. She ran for Olympia City Council in 2021 with a bold and innovative campaign but lost. Her next project is For The Win: How to be Dangerous, a YouTube channel teaching people how to fight ethically and effectively.
Substack Newsletter
YouTube Channel
YouTube Media Appearances
Twitter @candiomercer
Email OlympiaFTW2021@gmail.com
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