Conservatives Are the New Cool Counterculture: My Year on the Right Part I

Strength as a Virtue, Self Censorship, Cancellation and Running for Office

Mar 19, 2022

SPOILER ALERT: It was AWESOME!

OK, Let’s do this!

For most of my life, the right was my enemy. They did things I did not approve of. Shooting abortion doctors. Protesting funerals of gay people who died of AIDS. Putting stupid parental warnings on music. I also had a problem with religion in general.

I was ignorant.

For the past 25 years, I have lived in Olympia, WA, in what was a comfortable progressive bubble of earnest social justice where everyone was an activist under the cult gospel of love is love and extreme tolerance. Except for the one group it was OK to be bigoted against— conservatives.

It was easy. It was socially acceptable. I thought it was special to live in a place where I did not have to interact with “those people.” There was no compelling reason to question the narrative.

Then Trump got elected.

Still from my campaign video. Photo credit: Anonymous for their protection.

My first move post election was to convene a support group that excluded cishet white men, because, of course. Safety first! I made fliers that sympathetic shop owners eagerly posted. We met. Tears were shed. I am cringing with you.

It was very confusing. How could my country commit suicide? I did not get it. I could not believe there was that level of racism anymore.

I set out to understand.

After a severe case Trump Derangement Syndrome also known as Mass Formation Psychosis, who could have predicted I would vote Trump in the next election? He is the only candidate to ever truly EARN my vote. I now know why he was elected — rebellion.

I never would have guessed that four years later I would be associating almost exclusively with conservatives, much less running for office(!), with TWO(!) Republican(!) endorsements.

PURPOSE OF THIS ESSAY

Maybe some progressives will read this and feel (appropriate) shame at their bigotry and will see the right with less prejudice and more understanding. Or at least with more accuracy as the contemporary right is severely misrepresented by mainstream media.

The right understands the left much better than the left understands the right, whom they reduce to oppressive stereotypes that are outdated, harmful and dehumanizing.

The political binary has been deconstructed and the politically homeless are growing. More are turning to the right than vice versa. Many, like me, are dissatisfied with extreme left policies. Many, also like me, do not realize some of their positions are actually conservative. What is punk rock DIY other than rebranded personal responsibility?

Some may think my move to the right has to do with being rejected by the left. Yes, I was cancelled, in part for saying nice things about the right, but my connection is deeper and not reactionary.

Despite my principled reasons for leaving the left AND breaking bigotry, I am a WITCH, a pariah, even in my own family. One close relative told me I could come back from the dark side and I owe President Biden my fealty as he is giving me money. WOW.

A winter of suffering and death. Photo credit: Candace Mercer

I continued to be surprised at how willing the left is to compromise core values. Remarks like this are insulting on many levels, mainly because my moral compass has remained consistent.

THAT is why I am hanging w the conservatives, because they are the group that is most aligned with the progressive values I have built my life around: a colorblind society without discrimination, segregation and racialism, dignity for the individual, strength, respect for radical freedom of speech and a belief in classic liberalism.

I also like being around positive people who do not apologize for ambition or having nice things. I call it gold pilled — having pleasurable new experiences like pedicures, home massages and riding in a pearl white Mustang convertible. Some may see this as greedy materialism, but it is more profound.

The left had sapped my aspirations, made me feel bad for desiring material goods and supported my shabby appearance. I bought makeup for the first time in twenty years, at first for the campaign, then for the joy of it. Ulta is Satanic.

The further I am from the Social Justice cult, the more I realize how passive it made me. I never embraced victimhood as currency, but I was ground down into not expecting much from life.

The more I hung with conservatives, the more guilt and weakness melted away and I began to once again appreciate beauty and, above all, the push for excellence. This is ennobling and nourishing. My ambition has been reignited and I see a positive future. I have reconnected with strength as a virtue, an invaluable gift.

HOW IT STARTED

When I began speaking up about homeless response in Olympia, I actually had no idea my analysis was conservative or the scabs I was picking. My writing reflected progressive values — I saw something wrong — people being harmed — and felt a need to act.

I came to the homeless issue in ignorance. In 2017 I had no idea of either best practices or policy failures. I did know that almost overnight I had a illegal encampment, population 50, behind my house. Life in our neighborhood became unsafe and extremely unpleasant. Over the next year, camps metastasized in size and scope across Olympia, where they had previously been rare, even during the housing crisis of 2010.

It was my intrinsic curiosity that had me asking WHY? WHY is this happening? I had an open mind, there was no dogma from either side clouding my opinions, just a sincere commitment to understand and reduce the suffering manifesting in my backyard.

I proposed a series of articles for Works in Progress, our local alternative paper, who reacted favorably based on my past work. The plan was to take readers on a journey of exploration, where we learned together.

I filed my first installment, speaking factually of the camp and its effect on my neighborhood. I was told they were not interested in future work. This was my first clue that I was saying things that should not be said, like addiction was the driving force behind the camps.

My first right wing media appearance on KVI with John Carlson. I laughed when he said I was talking like a conservative. Photo credit: Olympia News Network

In September 2019, I published The Real Crisis in Olympia Is Not Homelessness, laying out my theory about tolerance for harm and lack of leadership as the primary reasons camps were flourishing while our government failed to adapt to what they call the “new normal.”

Striking a nerve, it went modestly viral. I was contacted by a producer at KVI to appear on the John Carlson show, a leading conservative voice in the PNW. I said yes, because I have always felt if you can get airtime for your views on opposing media it is a win. He told me I was taking the conservative viewpoint. I laughed. He later called me “a burr in the saddle of Olympia,” which I take as high praise.

FORBIDDEN SPEECH

One wake up call was a list of 40 subjects I could not speak freely on. At first, I had tremendous anxiety posting about these forbidden topics on social media but it got easier the more I did it. Of course there was a heavy price.

I found myself defending men, conservatives, Christians, law enforcement because I felt they were being unfairly attacked. I defended a woman who was being put through a struggle session for having a RACIST grief reaction to her friend’s suicide. I defended pussy hats. I defended Professor Ned Lebow in an incident where he made a hack joke in an elevator — “ladies lingerie” — when asked his floor by Gender Studies Professor Simona Sharoni, whom I knew from working with her on Palestinian Solidarity.

NSFW My 2018 list of topics I could not speak freely on and are not safe for Facebook. I broke the fear of speaking out. The cost was high but liberation is sweet plus I retain self respect. Photo credit: Candace Mercer

The struggle sessions began. At first I thought it was individual bullies, then I realized the techniques they were using were morally wrong. It took a couple years more to conclude that it was the ideology that was cultish, corrupt and indefensible.

I was shunned by all my local communities — activism, comedy and gaming. My newbie mistake was I thought my social capital would get people to listen to me, in fact, it was the opposite, I was seen as more of a threat.

Breakups came in waves. The more I spoke, the more people broke up with me. I estimate 90% by the end of 2020, including people I had known for decades. One person would do it publicly, then more would follow privately. I avoided social media. If I got a message from someone I had not spoken to in awhile I feared another emotional IED.

BEFORE and AFTER the disinformation campaign. This is someone who has known me for almost thirty years. This was in response to me speaking on Facebook as to how Antifa has been targeting me. At this point I am numb to it and am not interested in associating with open bigots of any kind. Image credit: Candace Mercer screenshot.

It was disorienting and painful, but I could not compromise my values. The left trained me to have a moral compass, it was hard to understand their problem with my using it. I was not saying anything hateful, or even that radical, but activists who are fine being hypercritical of others most definitely do not like being called out themselves. They speak to “courageous conversations” but have cowardly closed minds.

Some think I got radicalized from YouTube — too much Tim Pool and Jordan Peterson. AKSHULLY, it went the other direction. I was coming to the same conclusions as James Lindsay, Peter Boghossian, Michael Shellenberger, Christopher Rufo, John McWhorter, Gad Saad and Douglas Murray. (I include a RED PILL RESOURCE GUIDE as an appendix.)

Locally there was Bret Weinstein and Benjamin Boyce whose names were not to be spoken in “polite” company. These dialogs relieved my intellectual isolation significantly — a much needed reality check confirming my impressions that culture was taking a very dark turn.

Another interesting effect of discovering voices of sanity is how the left’s relentless attacks backfire. I thought Bret Weinstein, Jordan Peterson and Dennis Prager were EVIL based on mis/disinformation. When I saw how absolutely reasonable and SANE they were, the left lost even more credibility.

I also saw how mainstream media distorts the beats I report on — homelessness and political violence in the PNW. When I saw how MSNBC framed these stories, I lost all respect. I was shocked FOX News’ coverage was much more accurate. Friends from Buffalo believed the New York Times over my primary source reporting.

Based on these observations, I am questioning everything from the past, all the narratives I was so sure of are in doubt. It put me on unstable ground. My trust is broken.

One thing that has been helpful is I formally study what I call “Wrongology” — all the ways we can be wrong — reading list of 60+ books upon request. Perhaps due to enjoying dialectic, being a gamer and/or an able editor, I do not connect identity/ego to ideas. I am happy to correct an error state. This flexibility serves me well in this era. I have shame over past bigotry but there is also pride in my evolution.

Front of one of my campaign postcards. Photo credit: Olympia News Network

HOW IT WENT

Fast forward to January 2021. I decide to run for Olympia City Council. My main issues are failed policies around homeless response, public safety and affordable housing. I knew conservatives would be a valuable part of my coalition so I was intentional in seeking them out.

I ended up spending 2021 exclusively in conservative spaces. It was refreshing and enjoyable. They are the only people since March 2020 who have hugged me and seen my humanity.

I made it clear I was indie nonpartisan though I emphasized all the positions we shared regarding medical freedom, CRT and gender ideology. I will discuss specific policy positions in more depth in Part II of this essay.

I worked to create buzz with prepared speeches as opposed to the tepid biographical word salads most candidates used as introductions. The conservatives liked that I had the left’s number and was willing to call them out with no fear.

They respected the courage it took and were familiar with the opposition I faced. I was told I was inspirational. They found me entertaining, which was flattering, as I had never done public speaking before. I got the attention of higher ups who appreciated my bold strategy. I kept the love bombing in perspective, same as the hate, I tried to not let flattery influence my game.

In forums I did not hold back in my rhetoric. I defended OPD and DARED to say such CRAZY things like “I am a capitalist” and “personal responsibility plays a role in getting and staying housed.” Radical, I know. The lefts translation: I was a RACIST FASCIST CHUD who threatened the safety of the South Puget Sound and wanted to incarcerate and/or execute the homeless.

I applied for approximately twenty endorsements including a pro choice PAC who rejected me solely for voting Trump. My record of OG clinic defense did not matter compared to a mark on a piece of paper. They were nasty about it too.

I did get two endorsements— the Mainstream Republicans and the Thurston Country Republicans. Both told me they were cool if I did not want it to be public. Fuck that. I was proud. I walked the talk of breaking partisanship.

There was a stark difference in tolerance. The left cast me out as infidel, the right accepted me despite what I feared were three deal breakers — weed, pro-choice and atheism. Not to mention a decade of Palestinian Solidarity work with the Rachel Corrie Foundation for Peace and Justice and writing for electronic intifada, which could be “problematic.”

It was important I present accurately, not just for their benefit but to stay true to my principles. I resolved to be authentic, to never pander and to never apologize for past positions or work. My conservative political advisor instructed me to always tell my best truth and I followed that advice. AMA.

I had good arguments for my positions on the deal breakers. I use cannabis medically and I decided I would not hide it. I will never not be pro-choice, but I understand and respect the pro-life position. I cannot believe, but I understand the role of religion, particularly Christianity, as a foundation for many of my values. Regarding Palestine, we worked with all sides and did the work of the State Department. I told the stories how visits between Rafah and Olympia actually changed Gazan minds about America.

I did not want to a/appear to be using the conservatives politically or b/have them feeling betrayed when they found out “who I really was.” I will admit a bit of take or leave me attitude. I WAS a clearly the better choice than my opponent.

Campaigning at the 10/3 Medical Freedom Rally at the Olympia Capital. Speaking to Representative Jim Walsh, who leads the resistance in the statehouse. I met both Joe Kent and Tusitala Toese for the first time that day. Photo credit: Anonymous for their protection.

This concludes Part I. I am not done yet.

FTW: How to be Dangerous

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